Last term, I decided that I was going to take the summer off from school. That was my plan. I told everyone that was what I was doing. I emailed the course facilitators to let them know this was my plan. I had the best of intentions that this was what I was going to do. I thought, since I'm so tired and stressed and have been doing 8day weeks and basically been in school since October 2010 that this would be the most logical and reasonable plan. I could use the summer for personal devotional time and time to spend with some of our teen girls discipling them and just encouraging them to get into their bibles and get to know our God, and time to relax and get to know my family and friends again (I've lost contact with some people because of this course). And then I'd go back for the final course in september, finish up 5 mos later than originally intended, but for the break that seemed worth it. I thought I had a great plan.
BUT GOD
But God stepped in.
But God interupted.
But God reached out.
But God changed everything.
But God... now in Ephesians there is a but God- that one is awesome, I love that 'but God'
we were dirty rotten vile sinners, BUT GOD because of His great love towards us made us alive in Christ and raised us up with Him and seated us in heavenly places in Christ Jesus.
I love that 'but God'. There are others, lots. Not all of them are as amazing as this one. But all of them are life changing, and all of them demonstrate God's power in our life (at least, they do to me). The heart of the King is in the hand of the LORD, He turns it wherever He will (Proverbs). I have many 'but God' moments in my life, and many of them are as clear and evident and precious this one. But right now, this one means more than just knowing that God is in my life, leading me. This one demonstrates to me that God is with me in my plans thus far.
See I had intended to take the summer off (don't know if you got that yet) and I had told everyone, including the course facilatators. But somehow, the course facilatators didn't get the memo, or didn't realize the determination behind my decision, I don't know.
My roommies and I went to Fredericton Conf. this year- amazing! But the best part was the 7hr conversation we had on the way home, getting to know my roommates and hear their burdens and how God was working in their lives and leading them, and what they were learning about God. It came up in conversation about my decision to put off this last course and how the only way I'd do it is if I went part time at work because there is so much that I feel needs my attention, and work is sorta the last thing on my list. Anyway, we made it home (2hrs less of a trip than expected) and being somewhat addicted, the first thing I did was check my email where there was this msg from the course facilatator asking why I hadn't registered for the next course and if I was going to register.... (didn't I tell them I wasn't taking this course at this time???)
Well, I shared this with my roommates and we chatted about the logistics of this- going parttime is kinda scary, y'know- no benefits, no guarranteed working hours, no sick time or vacation. And then I went upstairs to the Secret Place- do you know that place? I love that place, but I'm not always sure what to do when I go there. This time I decided since I've been reading through the memoirs of Nehemiah, I would start at the beginning and work my way through the entire book- its not long.
Well, I had many thoughts on the book, and I have a deeper appreciation of Nehemiah and the project He was called to fulfil. But the part that got me was right at the end and the people blessed all the men who willingly offered themselves to live in Jerusalem
there were two things about this that immediately captured my attention
1) they willingly offered themselves
this wasn't something that God took from them, this was something they offered to God, something for Him that comes from the heart- God doesn't always want to be taking stuff away from us, He desires to see us give Him gifts of things that we give up for Him
2) to dwell in 'The Holy City' one has to be holy.... well I'm not, and this poor sinner won't be this side of heaven. But it is a challenge and a conviction to me to 'be holy because He is holy'
I have a long way to go with this, but I don't want to be one of those people who refuse to dwell in the Hole City where the presence of God is because its uncomfortable. But I'm thankful to know that God works in my heart both to do and to want to do His good pleasure.
For me that made the decision. I want the opportunity to freely offer something to my God who gave so much so freely and I wanted to put myself in a place where the concerns and the heart of my God are- namely personal devotions and discipleship of those around me.
So I registered for the course. And things still haven't turned out how I expected them. Right now there are not part time positions on my unit, and I suppose I could go somewhere else, but that doesn't seem practical right now. It does make sense now tho, that I take this course and get it over with, it actually makes alot of sense to finish it and then I can focus on my language lessons and packing and preparing to move and getting all the paper work in order and just generally preparing myself to give up my life here in post modern, technologically advanced, money oriented big city Toronto and move to the heart of Zambia, where there is dust and red dirt and bugs and bats and hopefully internet access in the evening so I can fill you all in on what big things I'm seeing God do!
and once again I am amazed at the 'but God' in my life. It always surprises me... but it shouldn't! This is the awesome God that I serve!
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