Monday 25 March 2013
perplexing problems press
Jesus, Lord, I need Thy wisdom,
For perplexing problems press,
And without Thee I am foolish,
Nor can bear the strain and stress;
But if Thou wilt counsel me
I shall true and upright be.
I received an email on saturday. A good email. I think...
we were praying for you as you prepare to come here and
your brother's graduation was mentioned.
felt that if you want to stay for that, then you should.
It can be difficult in your first bit here and it would be even harder if you were wishing to be at home for an event.
sigh... and I am back to square one... And its not that its that HUGE of a deal right... its a date change of about 6weeks... But I already made the decision and I don't want to go back and have to revisit the issue (whine)...
But then I got thinking about it... maybe this is a gift from my Father... There is alot going on right now... I am still working full time and I have an exam to study for on April 20th and there are so many people to catch up with one last time and people keep reminding of meetings and so forth that I am supposed to be going to .. and.. and.. and.. I have 6 weeks left and I can't hardly find one moment of quiet. To have this extra 6 weeks... to be able to clear my schedule to study for my exam, to have 6 weeks afterward with nothing to do except help my mom settle into her new place, spend time wtih my family and visit with friends and spend time with God and study my Lunda and see my baby brother graduate from high school oh and another special event I wasn't gonna say anything right now, but to meet Jordan's new baby brother... maybe this is my Father looking out for me. I was reminded in a devotional this evening that sometimes when plans change its to remind us that we are not in control, God is. And He is not too busy or important or far away to be concerned with the minutest details of our lives. Maybe this is simply a gift...
But then the scripture verse come 'any man who puts his hand to the plow and turns back is not fit for the kingdom of God'. So is this a thought I should be listening to? I mean, it is from the Bible, it is God's word... but then i know that i am very good about coming up with every reason not to do something, especially if it is something different then what I had already planned... but... it is God's word. And there will always be some reason for me to want to be at home... Besides, I gave my word. I told them that I would be there in May... but if they don't mind, then maybe I shouldn't either... But to post pone an event that has been on the horizon for months, even if it is just for 6 weeks...
But it would be soo nice to have those extra 6 weeks...
Ever wished for a manual? I know, that's not walking by faith, but sometimes it would be nice... I guess I can't know in one night what decision to make. But I'll keep you posted! Just be prepared that if I decide to post pone the date anything planned before april 20th will need to be rebooked... I'll be buried alive under a mound of text books :D (and maybe a frappuccino)
Jesus, Lord, I need Thy guidance,
Fire by night, and cloud by day,
For without them I am sightless,
Groping for the proper way;
But if Thou dost lead me on
I will follow Thee alone.
Thursday 21 March 2013
my constant companions
I am so excited for you that you are actually taking this step! I never thought I'd see this day :P but I'm so glad and I'm looking forward to following your journey over these next few months. I'm excited too that we will be able to share so many similar experiences (and I'm definitely still looking forward to all our plans to stay in touch :D )
The other day, one of my colleagues said to me, in relation to my leaving 'You are so brave'. I gave my stock answer in response 'It's only by the grace of God'. This is very true, it is only by God's grace, but I've been mulling over this past while just how true this is.
I read this book many years ago called 'Hinds Feet on High Places'- have you read it?
Basically its about this young woman named Much-Afraid who works for the Shepherd. The Shepherd's home is high up in the mountains and people who go there are given a new heart and made whole (did I mention she was also a cripple?) Anyway, after much fear and doubt and difficulties from her family Much Afraid finally starts out on her journey up the mountains. As her travelling companions, the Shepherd gives her two ladies named Sorrow and Suffering. Much Afraid complains to the Shepherd that her journey would be much easier and more attainable if only she could be given Peace and Joy to travel with and not two frightening, spectre- like ladies with such terrible names as Sorrow and Suffering. The Shepherd explains to her however that the journey can only be made successfully while she her hands are firmly grasping the hands of Sorrow and Suffering. She decides to go and after her journey (which you'll have to read the book to find out about) Sorrow and Suffering have been transformed into Peace and Joy and Much Afraid into Grace and Glory.
I got thinking after our chat about your plans and some of the indecisiveness that we both share. I seem to have been given two companions also to travel with me on this journey and I think you can relate to them also? - Mine are Doubt and Fear and like Much Afraid (only maybe more often) I complain to our Shepherd 'Why didn't You give me Courage and Faith as my companions because then I could make this journey successfully'. But He always seems to give a gentle smile and remind me "Child, when you started this journey with Me you were given everything you needed to successfully complete it" And that is definitely NOT the answer I want to hear, but it is the answer I need to hear because its the answer that reminds me my God is enough, He is my centre and my rock and His grace is enough for me.
I shared these few thoughts with you a while ago, but I've continued to mull over them. You see, whenever I read about fear or doubt in the Bible, while God shows an understanding and a patience towards them they are both ultimately condemned. He reminds us 365 times not to be afraid (there's a verse for all year) and Jesus was very patient with John's doubt while he was in prison and with Thomas also, but ultimately 'the fearful and the unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake that burns with fire' and ' the one that wavers is like a wave of the sea for that person must not suppose he shall receive anything from the Lord'. Harsh words for someone who is often afraid of her own shadow and more often worries a decision to death.
But, in my ponderings, I seem to have come to two conclusions. The first is due in part to a discussion at the Waub Bible Study about that passage on Doubt in the letter of James. These people who are labelled fearful and unbelieving and double minded are ones who refuse to believe, refuse to acknowledge God's provision, and who refuse because they choose fear over faith and belief and trust. They are stubborn and rebellious. That's so different from the natural human tendency to worry over the 'whatifs'.
The other realisation that I have come to is that I don't have to travel with these two companions. What? Really?!!! While God has been able to use these companions in my life to teach me more about Him, these are not companions that come from Him - 'whatever is not of faith is sin' 'if you are not firm in faith you will not stand'. Doubt and fear were never in God's plan. But sorrow and suffering were... well... not originally for sure! But God has blessed these to use them to teach us more about Him and about how to be like Him. 'If we suffer with Him we shall also reign with Him' 'Suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame' 'Godly sorrow produces repentance'. But I find then when I step forward to do the task before me and not over analyse it - am I supposed to do this? What if its not God's will? What if I am criticised? What if I regret it? What if I hate it?- When I step forward and embrace the task and grasp hold of Sorrow and Suffering, Doubt and Fear fade and in their place are are the companions that I long to travel with Courage and Faith, and Peace and Joy. Then I begin to understand what James was meaning when he wrote 'my brothers count it all joy when you face various trials'.
Much Afraid almost didn't start her journey because of fear and doubt and very often I have been held back by those two. But I don't have to be! Sorrow and suffering are necessary to this journey and are blessed by God even though they are not often appreciated; but fear and doubt, they don't come from Him and they shouldn't ever be listened to as His voice because they will back you into a corner and hold you captive there and we are to take captive every thought not be held captive by every thought. We are blessed tho, we have a patient God who gently teaches us and who understands our weakness, who remembers we are dust. I love these thoughts from the 103rd Psalm
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103)
I guess its time for new travelling companions!
Lord I would clasp my hand in Thine
And never murmur or repine
Content whatever lot I see
Since 'tis Thy hand that leadeth me.
The other day, one of my colleagues said to me, in relation to my leaving 'You are so brave'. I gave my stock answer in response 'It's only by the grace of God'. This is very true, it is only by God's grace, but I've been mulling over this past while just how true this is.
I read this book many years ago called 'Hinds Feet on High Places'- have you read it?
Basically its about this young woman named Much-Afraid who works for the Shepherd. The Shepherd's home is high up in the mountains and people who go there are given a new heart and made whole (did I mention she was also a cripple?) Anyway, after much fear and doubt and difficulties from her family Much Afraid finally starts out on her journey up the mountains. As her travelling companions, the Shepherd gives her two ladies named Sorrow and Suffering. Much Afraid complains to the Shepherd that her journey would be much easier and more attainable if only she could be given Peace and Joy to travel with and not two frightening, spectre- like ladies with such terrible names as Sorrow and Suffering. The Shepherd explains to her however that the journey can only be made successfully while she her hands are firmly grasping the hands of Sorrow and Suffering. She decides to go and after her journey (which you'll have to read the book to find out about) Sorrow and Suffering have been transformed into Peace and Joy and Much Afraid into Grace and Glory.
I got thinking after our chat about your plans and some of the indecisiveness that we both share. I seem to have been given two companions also to travel with me on this journey and I think you can relate to them also? - Mine are Doubt and Fear and like Much Afraid (only maybe more often) I complain to our Shepherd 'Why didn't You give me Courage and Faith as my companions because then I could make this journey successfully'. But He always seems to give a gentle smile and remind me "Child, when you started this journey with Me you were given everything you needed to successfully complete it" And that is definitely NOT the answer I want to hear, but it is the answer I need to hear because its the answer that reminds me my God is enough, He is my centre and my rock and His grace is enough for me.
I shared these few thoughts with you a while ago, but I've continued to mull over them. You see, whenever I read about fear or doubt in the Bible, while God shows an understanding and a patience towards them they are both ultimately condemned. He reminds us 365 times not to be afraid (there's a verse for all year) and Jesus was very patient with John's doubt while he was in prison and with Thomas also, but ultimately 'the fearful and the unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake that burns with fire' and ' the one that wavers is like a wave of the sea for that person must not suppose he shall receive anything from the Lord'. Harsh words for someone who is often afraid of her own shadow and more often worries a decision to death.
But, in my ponderings, I seem to have come to two conclusions. The first is due in part to a discussion at the Waub Bible Study about that passage on Doubt in the letter of James. These people who are labelled fearful and unbelieving and double minded are ones who refuse to believe, refuse to acknowledge God's provision, and who refuse because they choose fear over faith and belief and trust. They are stubborn and rebellious. That's so different from the natural human tendency to worry over the 'whatifs'.
The other realisation that I have come to is that I don't have to travel with these two companions. What? Really?!!! While God has been able to use these companions in my life to teach me more about Him, these are not companions that come from Him - 'whatever is not of faith is sin' 'if you are not firm in faith you will not stand'. Doubt and fear were never in God's plan. But sorrow and suffering were... well... not originally for sure! But God has blessed these to use them to teach us more about Him and about how to be like Him. 'If we suffer with Him we shall also reign with Him' 'Suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame' 'Godly sorrow produces repentance'. But I find then when I step forward to do the task before me and not over analyse it - am I supposed to do this? What if its not God's will? What if I am criticised? What if I regret it? What if I hate it?- When I step forward and embrace the task and grasp hold of Sorrow and Suffering, Doubt and Fear fade and in their place are are the companions that I long to travel with Courage and Faith, and Peace and Joy. Then I begin to understand what James was meaning when he wrote 'my brothers count it all joy when you face various trials'.
Much Afraid almost didn't start her journey because of fear and doubt and very often I have been held back by those two. But I don't have to be! Sorrow and suffering are necessary to this journey and are blessed by God even though they are not often appreciated; but fear and doubt, they don't come from Him and they shouldn't ever be listened to as His voice because they will back you into a corner and hold you captive there and we are to take captive every thought not be held captive by every thought. We are blessed tho, we have a patient God who gently teaches us and who understands our weakness, who remembers we are dust. I love these thoughts from the 103rd Psalm
The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103)
I guess its time for new travelling companions!
Lord I would clasp my hand in Thine
And never murmur or repine
Content whatever lot I see
Since 'tis Thy hand that leadeth me.
Friday 1 March 2013
28 shifts till I'm done work! And I am getting excited!
I can't believe its been just about a month since I last posted anything. But its been a full month! Besides working almost every other day (which maybe doesn't sound like a lot to those of you who work mon to fri...) I've spent nearly every spare minute off sorting through stuff and deciding what to keep and what to goodwill and what to pitch and some decisions have not been easy- I'm a bit of a pack rat! like when I went through my 'correspondance' folder in my filing cabinent I found cards from as far back as gr 8! Those were actually some of the hardest to decide to pitch! But there is an end in sight! And actually, its not just in sight... there are about 3 boxes of items that I wasn't sure what to do with and tossed them to the side, that's all that's left.
I guess if I wasn't such a procrastinator it may not have taken the whole month, but its so easy to start a movie and 'work' while watching the movie- which actually doubles the amount of time it takes to do something, did you know that???
But this month is to be mainly a month of rest. The way our schedule works I end up having about a week off at the beginning of the month and then about two weeks later having another week off. So I'm up and off to Midland to visit the family! My nephew's 3rd birthday is on the 15th and we go to see Veggie Tale's 20th birthday party on the 16th, the evening of my nephew's bday party. I can't wait to see how excited he is to meet LarryBoy (that's his favourite!) I also can't believe he is 3! But I'll spare you the gushing of a doting aunty! ;)
Seriously tho, I can't believe its just a little over 2 months before I go. I'm not sure I quite understand what it will mean to be away for a whole year (I'll miss my Favourite's 4th birthday, and my brother's high school grad and Christmas...). But then, a year is still only a short period of time really; my aunt n uncle were only able to get home avery 4 or 5 years and that's just from Ireland... I still wonder what it will be like to realize I am not coming home until may 2014... But y'know, I've been learning in these last few years that where ever God is I can be at home because I've been learning to make my home in Him... and besides, its not like it was before, now we have phone and email and text and skype!
The beloved of the Lord dwells in safety. The High God surrounds him all the day long and dwells between his shoulders. There is none like God who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in His majesty. The eternal God is your dwelling place and underneath are the everlasting arms. Who is like you! A people saved by the Lord, the shield of your help and the sword of your triumph!
God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved. Within her walls God has made Himself known as a fortress. You have kept count of my tossings, you have put my tears in your bottle. In the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfils His purpose for me. God will send out His steadfast love and His faithfulness.
My heart is steadfast O God, I will sing and make melody, I will give thanks to you. For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Be exalted O God!
I can't believe its been just about a month since I last posted anything. But its been a full month! Besides working almost every other day (which maybe doesn't sound like a lot to those of you who work mon to fri...) I've spent nearly every spare minute off sorting through stuff and deciding what to keep and what to goodwill and what to pitch and some decisions have not been easy- I'm a bit of a pack rat! like when I went through my 'correspondance' folder in my filing cabinent I found cards from as far back as gr 8! Those were actually some of the hardest to decide to pitch! But there is an end in sight! And actually, its not just in sight... there are about 3 boxes of items that I wasn't sure what to do with and tossed them to the side, that's all that's left.
I guess if I wasn't such a procrastinator it may not have taken the whole month, but its so easy to start a movie and 'work' while watching the movie- which actually doubles the amount of time it takes to do something, did you know that???
But this month is to be mainly a month of rest. The way our schedule works I end up having about a week off at the beginning of the month and then about two weeks later having another week off. So I'm up and off to Midland to visit the family! My nephew's 3rd birthday is on the 15th and we go to see Veggie Tale's 20th birthday party on the 16th, the evening of my nephew's bday party. I can't wait to see how excited he is to meet LarryBoy (that's his favourite!) I also can't believe he is 3! But I'll spare you the gushing of a doting aunty! ;)
Seriously tho, I can't believe its just a little over 2 months before I go. I'm not sure I quite understand what it will mean to be away for a whole year (I'll miss my Favourite's 4th birthday, and my brother's high school grad and Christmas...). But then, a year is still only a short period of time really; my aunt n uncle were only able to get home avery 4 or 5 years and that's just from Ireland... I still wonder what it will be like to realize I am not coming home until may 2014... But y'know, I've been learning in these last few years that where ever God is I can be at home because I've been learning to make my home in Him... and besides, its not like it was before, now we have phone and email and text and skype!
The beloved of the Lord dwells in safety. The High God surrounds him all the day long and dwells between his shoulders. There is none like God who rides through the heavens to your help, through the skies in His majesty. The eternal God is your dwelling place and underneath are the everlasting arms. Who is like you! A people saved by the Lord, the shield of your help and the sword of your triumph!
God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved. Within her walls God has made Himself known as a fortress. You have kept count of my tossings, you have put my tears in your bottle. In the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfils His purpose for me. God will send out His steadfast love and His faithfulness.
My heart is steadfast O God, I will sing and make melody, I will give thanks to you. For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds. Be exalted O God!
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