my constant companions

I am so excited for you that you are actually taking this step! I never thought I'd see this day :P but I'm so glad and I'm looking forward to following your journey over these next few months. I'm excited too that we will be able to share so many similar experiences (and I'm definitely still looking forward to all our plans to stay in touch :D )

The other day, one of my colleagues said to me, in relation to my leaving 'You are so brave'. I gave my stock answer in response 'It's only by the grace of God'. This is very true, it is only by God's grace, but I've been mulling over this past while just how true this is.

I read this book many years ago called 'Hinds Feet on High Places'- have you read it?
Basically its about this young woman named Much-Afraid who works for the Shepherd. The Shepherd's home is high up in the mountains and people who go there are given a new heart and made whole (did I mention she was also a cripple?) Anyway, after much fear and doubt and difficulties from her family Much Afraid finally starts out on her journey up the mountains. As her travelling companions, the Shepherd gives her two ladies named Sorrow and Suffering. Much Afraid complains to the Shepherd that her journey would be much easier and more attainable if only she could be given Peace and Joy to travel with and not two frightening, spectre- like ladies with such terrible names as Sorrow and Suffering. The Shepherd explains to her however that the journey can only be made successfully while she her hands are firmly grasping the hands of Sorrow and Suffering. She decides to go and after her journey (which you'll have to read the book to find out about) Sorrow and Suffering have been transformed into Peace and Joy and Much Afraid into Grace and Glory.

I got thinking after our chat about your plans and some of the indecisiveness that we both share. I seem to have been given two companions also to travel with me on this journey and I think you can relate to them also? - Mine are Doubt and Fear and like Much Afraid (only maybe more often) I complain to our Shepherd 'Why didn't You give me Courage and Faith as my companions because then I could make this journey successfully'. But He always seems to give a gentle smile and remind me "Child, when you started this journey with Me you were given everything you needed to successfully complete it" And that is definitely NOT the answer I want to hear, but it is the answer I need to hear because its the answer that reminds me my God is enough, He is my centre and my rock and His grace is enough for me.

I shared these few thoughts with you a while ago, but I've continued to mull over them. You see, whenever I read about fear or doubt in the Bible, while God shows an understanding and a patience towards them they are both ultimately condemned. He reminds us 365 times not to be afraid (there's a verse for all year) and Jesus was very patient with John's doubt while he was in prison and with Thomas also, but ultimately 'the fearful and the unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake that burns with fire' and ' the one that wavers is like a wave of the sea for that person must not suppose he shall receive anything from the Lord'. Harsh words for someone who is often afraid of her own shadow and more often worries a decision to death.

But, in my ponderings, I seem to have come to two conclusions. The first is due in part to a discussion at the Waub Bible Study about that passage on Doubt in the letter of James. These people who are labelled fearful and unbelieving and double minded are ones who refuse to believe, refuse to acknowledge God's provision, and who refuse because they choose fear over faith and belief and trust. They are stubborn and rebellious. That's so different from the natural human tendency to worry over the 'whatifs'.

The other realisation that I have come to is that I don't have to travel with these two companions. What? Really?!!! While God has been able to use these companions in my life to teach me more about Him, these are not companions that come from Him - 'whatever is not of faith is sin' 'if you are not firm in faith you will not stand'. Doubt and fear were never in God's plan. But sorrow and suffering were... well... not originally for sure! But God has blessed these to use them to teach us more about Him and about how to be like Him. 'If we suffer with Him we shall also reign with Him' 'Suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character and character produces hope and hope does not put us to shame' 'Godly sorrow produces repentance'. But I find then when I step forward to do the task before me and not over analyse it - am I supposed to do this? What if its not God's will? What if I am criticised? What if I regret it? What if I hate it?- When I step forward and embrace the task and grasp hold of Sorrow and Suffering, Doubt and Fear fade and in their place are are the companions that I long to travel with Courage and Faith, and Peace and Joy. Then I begin to understand what James was meaning when he wrote 'my brothers count it all joy when you face various trials'.


Much Afraid almost didn't start her journey because of fear and doubt and very often I have been held back by those two. But I don't have to be! Sorrow and suffering are necessary to this journey and are blessed by God even though they are not often appreciated; but fear and doubt, they don't come from Him and they shouldn't ever be listened to as His voice because they will back you into a corner and hold you captive there and we are to take captive every thought not be held captive by every thought. We are blessed tho, we have a patient God who gently teaches us and who understands our weakness, who remembers we are dust. I love these thoughts from the 103rd Psalm

The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.
 He will not always chide,
nor will he keep his anger forever.
He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.
 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
so far does he remove our transgressions from us.
As a father shows compassion to his children,
so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.
For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust.  (Psalm 103)

I guess its time for new travelling companions!

Lord I would clasp my hand in Thine
And never murmur or repine
Content whatever lot I see
Since 'tis Thy hand that leadeth me.