I'm back

I'm back


Back in the chitengi
Back in the hotness
Back into the Lunda


Just back


And it's good.
Sure, I was anxious about going. Chatting with some of the more experienced folks here, I see it doesn't really get easier. I'll just get more experienced at how to handle the anxiety and the grief and the displacement.
 I'm glad to be back here now.
Glad to see so many people that have become dear to me- fellow missionaries, and Zambians alike. So many dear, dear people.

But being back here reminds me of all the dear ones I left at home.

I am so blessed to know so many amazing and genuinely sweet people!


But from a random place today came words of encouragement (and it was random! It can't get more random than FB quiz eh?!?)

Have I know commanded you? 

Be strong and courageous. 

Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, 

for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

Joshua 1:9

This was my verse that I came out here on.

Sure it's a fluke. But at the same time, it's also a real reminder: I'm here because of God. I don't need to be afraid- afraid of people, of situations, of not accomplishing what God wants me to do. And I don't need to be discourage; because friends, discouragement here is a real thing. Maybe no more real than at home, but it is for me. So many limitations, so many failures, so many areas to reach out into and no way to get to them


But I was learning today:

"Take, as from my Father's hand"


Everything comes from my Father.
Sorrow and suffering
Difficult situations and people
Blessing and abundance
Peace and joy

So whatever my day and this year holds, He has allowed it.

I will trust Him
I will rejoice
I will be strong and courageous
I will not be afraid or discouraged
I know HE is with me ..... And that makes all the difference




And so, I'm back

Have been cleaning the house after finding ant hills in three different places
Sorting out the aftermath of a mouse who took up (I hope) termporary residence
Sorting out some food parcels that came
And mostly just settling back into life here

Glad I haven't forgotten too much of my Lunda
Hoping to find some help with language studies

And looking forward to going back to hospital on Wednesday

Redemption Ground

There was a time I thought divorce was not an option for Christians.

Then, as I looked at my parents marriage crumble, I realized divorce was the only option for a situation that had become toxic.

Then I thought, but after divorce comes singleness and God Himself will be there. And He was. But I saw how lonely my mom was. She filled her time, no, she redeemed her time. She brought it to God and used it for Him.

Now, today, I'm standing beside my mom at an event I never thought would happen. For the last ten years I've prayed, Lord if it's your will let her marry, but if not, I know you will be to her what she needs...

And then my brother died.

You see, as the first born, it's always weighed on me that I am responsible to care for the family. Maybe I presume too much...??

When my brother died, I thought: "at least she had a companion, now she is alone." But my sister reminded she was there and I left.

And then I started hearing about Steve. And soon they were a 'thing' and then they were engaged and now they are married (or just about 😜)

And through this journey, I've learned two lessons. Or rather, I've had to relearn two lessons that I ought to have learned years ago.

The first, God doesn't need me!

What a relief! I am not responsible to run the world. I am not responsible to make sure every T gets crossed and every I dotted. I am not responsible to see to the needs of the people around me. God may use me. But that's His choice, not my responsibility.

What freedom is this!

When I worried about a best friend being left on her own, God brought an unlikely suitor, and they are perfectly matched

When I worried about a Sunday school with no teacher or a teen night with no facilitator, in His own time, God brought people along to fill those needs- and to fill the, better than I ever could have! - Isn't He so wonderful!!

When I worried about my mom being left alone by herself, God brought a man along who sees in her all the things and more that I have come to appreciate.

So, who am I to think that God needs me in a particular location to do a particular job. God, forgive my pride!

The second lesson, has nothing to do with me and everything to do with my Father. Can I just tell you again how amazing He is.

He is in the business of redemption.

He offers to the sinner, redemption through His blood, even the forgiveness of sins. And to the born again believer, that is the very start of life. That is the crux of this life. That is everything. Christ died for me the sinner. And in believing this, not just my soul but my very existence is redeemed.

My existence is redeemed.

He continually comes behind me and redeems me. He continually takes my choices and makes them beautiful. (Even the choices that I make willfully for my interests, even these He can redeem if I let Him.) He continually teaches me how to be more like Him and thereby makes me more myself, releasing me from the passions of the flesh and the besetting sins. He redeems not just my soul, but my very life. Everything that I am and do is now seen through the light of God's grace, it is redeemed from empty, meaningless activity to purposeful acts of service in obedience to my Lord and Saviour.

I am witness today, my Father took a painful, broken mess and redeemed it and made it beautiful. Because the beauty in the act of two lives promising to love each other through good and bad and through all the mess of life is really just a picture of how Christ loves His chosen ones, His bride.

I'm standing here today to watch my mom and Steve get married, but really what I see is how Christ has entered into my brokenness and made it beautiful, how He has forgiven all my sins and redeemed me and then promised that for all of eternity He would love me and care for me. And really, it doesn't get much better than that!

And of His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace

Grace upon grace

abounding, overflowing, running over

So much that we come away from the fountain dripping with grace, 

perfumed with grace

the empty cisterns of our heart filled and running over

the dry and barren land soaked in a deluge of grace

More than enough

I know the dryness, the barrenness, the emptiness. I know it too well.

Too often I exchange the fullness of God and His grace for the emptiness of my self.

Too often I seek first the things of self instead of the things of God and His righteousness.

But this verse reminds us that God is full. Of His fullness: out of His fullness, out of His sufficiency, out of His 'enough' He pours out on us grace.

Grace enough

My grace is enough for you.

it reminds me of one of my favourite verses in Psalms

"Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you!"

Its like the writer couldn't contain himself as he began to express all the marvellous things his God had poured out on him.

How abundant. How full.

of His fullness we have all received grace upon grace

blessing upon blessing

we have times of barrenness

He does not

But even in our barrenness

His blessing abounds

more and more

will we come away from His fountain then dripping with grace? We need it this year. I need it this year. That constant reminder that His 'enough' is enough for me. His strength, not mine. His interests first, not mine. Him first, not me.

and even over the times of barrenness and drought I can still look back and say Christ is here. I saw His grace here. Not because of me, because of Him.

Happy New Year

and God's richest blessings to each of you