The son of one of our patients nabs me in the corridor as I pass "Sister," he says; he is grave and earnest, "sister, I want a songbook"
He's an older man, about in his 60's, but he's fit and strong and has many years ahead of him now his surgery is over. I'm hoping to discharge him, but its only about 2 weeks from his surgery, so I check how far away he is before I ask the doctor if he is OK to go. "I live in Lukulu district, it is 5 hours walk." After I check with the doctor, I return to tell him the good news, the doctor is pleased with his progress and how he has tolerated surgery, he is not worried where he lives and he is OK to go. "But sister," he replies "how will I get there?"
"Well, you can wait in old hospital if you want to arrange transportation," "How long will that take" Incomprehendingly I respond "as long as it takes you to sort it" "Oh, but aren't you going to help me?" Realization dawns; although we've given him food, and medicines and medical care and intensive, life saving surgery for free, he is also asking for free transportation home. "Oh no, sorry! You will have to find your own way to get home. I'm sorry but we have no way to get all the patients home from all the far places where they live."
But its the kids who probably drive me the battiest!
Give me dolly. Give me sweetie. Give me notebook. Give me motorcar. Give me...
The lyrics of the song from my last post have been playing repeatedly through my mind these past few weeks: Each day I pledge it new, my imperfect gratitude, from now on.
Is this what I sound like to God? Give me a quiet day at hospital. Give me a quiet evening with no interruptions. Give me help as I do this procedure. Give me someone to talk to. Give me a bug free house. Give me.... The list goes on.
And then when I don't get what I want, what I expect, what I think I deserve: "Why did You let that happen? What are You doing to me? What do You want from me? Why are You doing this to me?"
Ah! The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked.
My Father. Can you imagine? This is the God of the universe. Have I ever stopped to consider this? The Creator God. The Holy God. The Righteous God. The Judging God. The Supremely Powerful Almighty God. The Sovereign God. He is in control of everything. He holds all the starry host in His hand. He knows them all by name. He is all knowing and all powerful and ever present. He is the Great Enigma. So great as to be beyond the furthest extent of our comprehension and knowledge. The wisest wisdom and the most knowledgeable knowledge are superseded by far by the most foolish of His knowledge and His wisdom. He is totally awesome and powerful and holy and so far above us.
Yet He tells us we can call Him "Father" ... more than that: "Abba" ... "Daddy" .... this stuns me. takes my breath away. The Holy Awesome Creator God... Daddy??!" You mean the one who had one simple rule, just one- don't eat - and we broke it, we disobeyed Him? The One who time and again sent people and ways to bring us back to Him- Moses and the 10 commandments, David and his beautiful psalms about God's mercy and forgiveness, Isaiah and his foretellings of the promised Messiah. The One who choose to love us so much that He become one of us? Who, rather than be separated from a bunch of sinful people who broke His rules and spat on everything He created and valued, offered His own Son to die in our place... in my place. The One who has blessed His children- those who have taken Him as their God, who have accepted Him as Saviour and Lord- with every spiritual blessing and a great deal of earthly blessings too? This One who is so great and so rich has said to those poor sinful wretches "Please Dear Ones, call me Daddy"
I am stunned.
He has done so much for me and all I can do is ask for more and complain when I don't get it. And then I am reminded of the people around, the ones who push for more, who complain when they feel they aren't treated fairly, the ones who get under my skin (because you see, usually the ones who need help the most are the ones who never ask for anything, who are always cheerful and gracious and strong). I am shamed. Let me see myself in these people, let it change me, let me see my ever loving, ever compassionate, ever gracious Father, reaching down to bestow blessing after blessing on an ungrateful, uncaring wretch and teach me how to love like You have loved!
This is the will of God concerning you:
Be always rejoicing
Pray without stopping
Give thanks in everything
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Each day I pledge it new, my imperfect gratitude, from now on!
1) waking up this morning to birds and owls and roosters and crickets
2) knowing God is with me in this moment and that makes it perfect!
3) running home from church with Alison during a huge rainstorm and stopping to jump in the puddles on the way
4) Causing the whole women's ward to erupt in laughter by pulling a mild prank and tying a colleague to a patient bed with her scrub top ties
5) delivering a beautiful baby girl from a first time mom who struggled to deliver and watching life breathe into her
6) celebrating with the nkaka- dancing in the maternity ward and being smothered in talcum powder in nkaka's excitement
7) God's grace- greater than my fear - scrubbing in to assist with a complicated surgery (I am NOT a surgical nurse)
8)the four sweet little kiddies who came asking 'can you tell us a bible story'
9) knowing that this day is held completely in His hands whatever happens
