Now if my roommate were sitting next to me right now, she'd tell me 'there's no decision at all, you should just stay'. And that's true. But for me there is always a 'but'.
See, I just realized my brother is graduating this year. I know we've been talking about it, and mom has been planning what to do after he graduates, but it never hit me 'til earlier this week when I was on the phone with him and he was telling me: he's in grade 12 now. And he's going to graduate and walk across the stage and get a diploma and that Mommy and Dranna will be there and Jordan will have a babysitter. And Scena will come and maybe Aunt Chris and Uncle Gord. Then after it hit that I wasn't gonna be there, I said to him 'we'll see, but I can't promise'. His response 'no, try hard kay Scena, try hard'. Now how can I not go to my brother's graduation! Especially since he is so looking forward to it and there are few things from his big sisters' lives that he gets to share....
I mean it would just be putting my departure date off by 2-3 months. Instead of leaving the end of April, I'd leave the beginning of July. That's not so bad is it? ... its just .... well, being completely honest- its 'the fear of man' (Proberbs 29:25). Most people will likely understand, but there will be some and I'm afraid to hear their comments; my mind can go just wild with thinking about it. Its silly to think like this, I know that, but it doesn't stop those thoughts from slinking into my mind and try to build a nest of fluff and fear and people pleasing.
And then there are the Bible verses that swarm into my head changing this from a simple decision to a matter of faith- 'no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God' Luke 9:62 or 'if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever' 1 Timothy 5:8
Last night was Bible Study and we are going through the letter of Paul to the Colossians. Right now we are looking at the verses 15-23 in the first chapter all about the preeminence of Christ and His deity and His position as being the Head of the Church and the Maker of all Creation. One of the brothers had us turn to a verse in Hebrews and pointed out how Jesus could be the Head since He was also made like us, a man. What caught my eye though as we turned in our Bibles to look at the verses he referred to, was not just that Jesus has the authority to be Head of everything. On one side of my open Bible was the verse
'His Son... the brightness of His glory, the express image of His person' Hebrews 1:3
while on the other side
'He shared in flesh and blood ... that in every respect He might be made like His brothers, so that He could be a merciful and faithful High Priest.' Hebrews 2:14,17 (paraphase)
I thought that was incredibly awesome just to begin with; perfect God and perfect man in one beautiful combination. But what has thrilled me today is that Jesus, who is the exact image of God, is so eager to share and understand our troubles that He became one of us so that He could intercede or intervene or act as a mediator for us (Colossians 1:20-22; 1 Timothy 2:3-6). He knows. He understands. and best of all, He cares.
I don't know what my decision will be just yet, but I do know that as I seek for God's direction, not only will He be 'the voice behind me saying this is the way walk in it' (Isaiah 30:21), but He has asked me to tell Him about every care I have (1 Peter 5:7), and promised that He will be listening when I do (Psalm 4:3; 55:17) and pouring out His love and compassion on me (psalm 66:20; 94:19).
I love the Lord because He has heard my voice. Because He has inclined His ear unto me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live. Psalm 116:1
Thursday 27 September 2012
Now Therefore Go: The Path, Part Two
I've been negligent I see, forgetting to put up another post here. But it was discussion forum this past week in my course and difficult to think about something other than the plethora of posts that flooded my inbox- but I won't complain: this was the LAST discussion forum EVER!!!! So excited! Went out for breakfast with two very special ladies just to celebrate it!
I was in the middle of a story in my last post, so I'll pick up from there. There's not much left tho of the story...
After I read that devotional from the calendar, my initial reaction was 'Lord, if You want me to go to Zambia I will go'. Typical of me however, a few days later I began to question and wonder 'did this really happen?' 'maybe I took it to mean the wrong thing?' 'maybe I was supposed to stay here instead, I mean, there is LOTS of work to be done here'. I had been presented at this time with the information for various wound care courses that I could take that would help with professional development, and although I was very interested, I wasn't able to get that incident out of my head. I felt like I had come to a fork in the road and I had to decide which path I was going to take. And I so wanted to make sure it was a path the would be honouring to God, that it was the path He had already chosen for me. (This is something I still want even tho this decision has been made for now, that's why I can only say I will be in Zambia for as long as God wants me to be, which right now is a year so far as I know). Anyway, I spent the next few months praying and looking forward to my second trip to Zambia, this time to Chitokoloki Mission to visit friends of mine for 5 weeks.
There are two things that really stand out in my mind, above many others. The first was walking to the hospital and nearly every day for the last three weeks having run through my thoughts the verse: He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. The second, on the plane home pouring out my thoughts to God and coming across this verse that brought rest: the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. For me, I felt like God specifically was calling me to take these wound care courses I had been told about and then use the skills and knowledge from these courses as God's hands to reach out to a vulnerable population.
So, that's where I've been these last two years, working away module by module, course by course and now am just about finished these courses. I never expected to fall so much in love with this profession, but its like receiving an unexpected gift in the mail that is unbelievably precious: this passion for helping people as they struggle with the betrayal of their bodies and hopefully in some way pointing them to the Great Physician, the Great Healer, the Binder of Wounds, this One who I can say with thrill and awe 'This is my God'. I want not just at the end of my life when I finally get to see God, but at every moment of every day wherever I am for God to be able to say "I am not ashamed to be called her God". I am looking forward to this next adventure, travelling half way across the world to serve some of God's poorest children in material things, but so rich in life and personality.
Now they desire a better country, that is an heavenly, wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city. Hebrews 11:16
I was in the middle of a story in my last post, so I'll pick up from there. There's not much left tho of the story...
After I read that devotional from the calendar, my initial reaction was 'Lord, if You want me to go to Zambia I will go'. Typical of me however, a few days later I began to question and wonder 'did this really happen?' 'maybe I took it to mean the wrong thing?' 'maybe I was supposed to stay here instead, I mean, there is LOTS of work to be done here'. I had been presented at this time with the information for various wound care courses that I could take that would help with professional development, and although I was very interested, I wasn't able to get that incident out of my head. I felt like I had come to a fork in the road and I had to decide which path I was going to take. And I so wanted to make sure it was a path the would be honouring to God, that it was the path He had already chosen for me. (This is something I still want even tho this decision has been made for now, that's why I can only say I will be in Zambia for as long as God wants me to be, which right now is a year so far as I know). Anyway, I spent the next few months praying and looking forward to my second trip to Zambia, this time to Chitokoloki Mission to visit friends of mine for 5 weeks.
There are two things that really stand out in my mind, above many others. The first was walking to the hospital and nearly every day for the last three weeks having run through my thoughts the verse: He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. The second, on the plane home pouring out my thoughts to God and coming across this verse that brought rest: the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. For me, I felt like God specifically was calling me to take these wound care courses I had been told about and then use the skills and knowledge from these courses as God's hands to reach out to a vulnerable population.
So, that's where I've been these last two years, working away module by module, course by course and now am just about finished these courses. I never expected to fall so much in love with this profession, but its like receiving an unexpected gift in the mail that is unbelievably precious: this passion for helping people as they struggle with the betrayal of their bodies and hopefully in some way pointing them to the Great Physician, the Great Healer, the Binder of Wounds, this One who I can say with thrill and awe 'This is my God'. I want not just at the end of my life when I finally get to see God, but at every moment of every day wherever I am for God to be able to say "I am not ashamed to be called her God". I am looking forward to this next adventure, travelling half way across the world to serve some of God's poorest children in material things, but so rich in life and personality.
Now they desire a better country, that is an heavenly, wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city. Hebrews 11:16
Thursday 6 September 2012
Now Therefore Go: The Path, Part One
well, this is a post I've been working on for a couple months. And its supposed to have been a sunday school lesson twice recently. But its really never made its way 'out' yet... so, we'll try again and see what happens. I figure it will be easiest to just base this post on my notes from that sunday school lesson. Its rather a meandering story and the lesson was geared toward children and tweens, and it will have to be done in 2 parts so its not too long, but I hope you enjoy it...
The story starts when I was 9 years old- this is the age I was when I first realized that the story of the Bible about God's love and mercy towards people who had sinned was meant for me. I mean, I had always known that, my parents made sure I knew that. But that's when I really realized what it meant! That's when I understood that 'it was for me that Jesus died'. The specifics of this story will have to wait for another post :)
When I was 13, I went to the first missionary report meeting that I can ever recall. For those of you who don't know what this is: basically, a missionary comes and gives a report on the work they are seeing done and are part of in whatever country they are serving in. I have no idea the names of this couple, but they had been working in Romania and they talked about the orphanages there and all the little children who were so desperate to be loved and so eager to hear about Jesus and His love for them. Something about this touched me deeply and I asked God then if He would to send me to go love the little children and tell them about His love.
As a teen, I struggled from time to time with the events of that evening and with questions in general:
is God calling me to go? Would He? Why me? What if I'm wrong? Where would I go? What would I do? Would people be supportive, or would they oppose this? I would tell God frequently during these times "when You say the word 'go' I will, but until then, I will just stay." For the most part tho, this was something only in the back of my mind that I pulled out occasionally to ponder. I never really fathomed that it would happen or how it would happen, but that sense of possibly going generally guided the decisions I made and the things that I focused on. I had wanted to be a nurse since about gr 7; I knew I wanted to do something that would be involved with serving and helping people and practically showing God's great love, which led me into nursing. When I finally decided to go into nursing in the back of my mind was the idea this is something that can be useful on the mission field. And as much as I complain about various personalities that I meet and however unfaithful I am at being a gentle and compassionate nurse this is still the core reason I chose nursing. (just a note of caution for any who might be considering a career in nursing- its way harder than it looks! that was the first lesson I learned on the floor).
When I was starting my second year of nursing, the opportunity presented itself to go with classmates and professors to the Dominican Republic for an 8 day nursing trip up into the mountains of San Jose de Ocoa. A nursing friend and I decided that, even tho we were late applying, we were gonna try anyway. It was a weird experience that evening, after I submitted my application, I knew I was going on that trip. I knew God had planned it out already. This was my first big experience away from home and I survived!!! I actually even liked it... well loved it!
At the end of my last year of school I travelled out to Kalene Mission Hospital in Zambia. That was an amazing opportunity- I felt like I really connected with the people and there were so many opportunities to get to know them, especially the children. When I came home, there was a Zambia size hole in my heart.
During the first few months of nursing I developed an interest in wounds and in learning about management and prevention of wounds and in helping and supporting people struggling with these ulcerations (whether bed sore, diabetic, venous or arterial related, traumatic injuries and burns etc). I was quite keen on learning what I could about these wounds and was encouraged to pursue a career in Enterostomal Therapy (Wound Management). However, I struggled because I thought God may be wanting me to go as a missionary somewhere and I wanted to be open and ready if and when He called.
There was a day about 3 mos before my second trip to Zambia, this time to Chitokoloki Mission, where my struggle between going or staying became unavoidable (unfortunately, I was supposed to be working nights and didn't get much sleep during the day). I spent the afternoon between trying to rest for my night shift and asking God to 'just please show me the way He wanted me to go' but coming to no defiinite answer other than being frustrated that I wasn't able to sleep (I don't generally have that problem!). Finally, I had to leave both my bed and my contemplations and get ready to go to work. I can still remember so clearly, just as I was leaving to go out the door, picking up the choice gleanings calendar to read the meditation for the day and the words that stood out to me:
'stop looking within at your own insecureties and just go'
The story was of Moses and his many excuses not to do what God had told him to do, but in the end after patiently answering all His questions God finally commands him 'now therefore go'.
well... stay tuned for part 2. Hopefully I'll be diligent and post it soon! ;-)
But they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country... Hebrews 11:14
The story starts when I was 9 years old- this is the age I was when I first realized that the story of the Bible about God's love and mercy towards people who had sinned was meant for me. I mean, I had always known that, my parents made sure I knew that. But that's when I really realized what it meant! That's when I understood that 'it was for me that Jesus died'. The specifics of this story will have to wait for another post :)
When I was 13, I went to the first missionary report meeting that I can ever recall. For those of you who don't know what this is: basically, a missionary comes and gives a report on the work they are seeing done and are part of in whatever country they are serving in. I have no idea the names of this couple, but they had been working in Romania and they talked about the orphanages there and all the little children who were so desperate to be loved and so eager to hear about Jesus and His love for them. Something about this touched me deeply and I asked God then if He would to send me to go love the little children and tell them about His love.
As a teen, I struggled from time to time with the events of that evening and with questions in general:
is God calling me to go? Would He? Why me? What if I'm wrong? Where would I go? What would I do? Would people be supportive, or would they oppose this? I would tell God frequently during these times "when You say the word 'go' I will, but until then, I will just stay." For the most part tho, this was something only in the back of my mind that I pulled out occasionally to ponder. I never really fathomed that it would happen or how it would happen, but that sense of possibly going generally guided the decisions I made and the things that I focused on. I had wanted to be a nurse since about gr 7; I knew I wanted to do something that would be involved with serving and helping people and practically showing God's great love, which led me into nursing. When I finally decided to go into nursing in the back of my mind was the idea this is something that can be useful on the mission field. And as much as I complain about various personalities that I meet and however unfaithful I am at being a gentle and compassionate nurse this is still the core reason I chose nursing. (just a note of caution for any who might be considering a career in nursing- its way harder than it looks! that was the first lesson I learned on the floor).
When I was starting my second year of nursing, the opportunity presented itself to go with classmates and professors to the Dominican Republic for an 8 day nursing trip up into the mountains of San Jose de Ocoa. A nursing friend and I decided that, even tho we were late applying, we were gonna try anyway. It was a weird experience that evening, after I submitted my application, I knew I was going on that trip. I knew God had planned it out already. This was my first big experience away from home and I survived!!! I actually even liked it... well loved it!
At the end of my last year of school I travelled out to Kalene Mission Hospital in Zambia. That was an amazing opportunity- I felt like I really connected with the people and there were so many opportunities to get to know them, especially the children. When I came home, there was a Zambia size hole in my heart.
During the first few months of nursing I developed an interest in wounds and in learning about management and prevention of wounds and in helping and supporting people struggling with these ulcerations (whether bed sore, diabetic, venous or arterial related, traumatic injuries and burns etc). I was quite keen on learning what I could about these wounds and was encouraged to pursue a career in Enterostomal Therapy (Wound Management). However, I struggled because I thought God may be wanting me to go as a missionary somewhere and I wanted to be open and ready if and when He called.
There was a day about 3 mos before my second trip to Zambia, this time to Chitokoloki Mission, where my struggle between going or staying became unavoidable (unfortunately, I was supposed to be working nights and didn't get much sleep during the day). I spent the afternoon between trying to rest for my night shift and asking God to 'just please show me the way He wanted me to go' but coming to no defiinite answer other than being frustrated that I wasn't able to sleep (I don't generally have that problem!). Finally, I had to leave both my bed and my contemplations and get ready to go to work. I can still remember so clearly, just as I was leaving to go out the door, picking up the choice gleanings calendar to read the meditation for the day and the words that stood out to me:
'stop looking within at your own insecureties and just go'
The story was of Moses and his many excuses not to do what God had told him to do, but in the end after patiently answering all His questions God finally commands him 'now therefore go'.
well... stay tuned for part 2. Hopefully I'll be diligent and post it soon! ;-)
But they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country... Hebrews 11:14
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