well, this is a post I've been working on for a couple months. And its supposed to have been a sunday school lesson twice recently. But its really never made its way 'out' yet... so, we'll try again and see what happens. I figure it will be easiest to just base this post on my notes from that sunday school lesson. Its rather a meandering story and the lesson was geared toward children and tweens, and it will have to be done in 2 parts so its not too long, but I hope you enjoy it...
The story starts when I was 9 years old- this is the age I was when I first realized that the story of the Bible about God's love and mercy towards people who had sinned was meant for me. I mean, I had always known that, my parents made sure I knew that. But that's when I really realized what it meant! That's when I understood that 'it was for me that Jesus died'. The specifics of this story will have to wait for another post :)
When I was 13, I went to the first missionary report meeting that I can ever recall. For those of you who don't know what this is: basically, a missionary comes and gives a report on the work they are seeing done and are part of in whatever country they are serving in. I have no idea the names of this couple, but they had been working in Romania and they talked about the orphanages there and all the little children who were so desperate to be loved and so eager to hear about Jesus and His love for them. Something about this touched me deeply and I asked God then if He would to send me to go love the little children and tell them about His love.
As a teen, I struggled from time to time with the events of that evening and with questions in general:
is God calling me to go? Would He? Why me? What if I'm wrong? Where would I go? What would I do? Would people be supportive, or would they oppose this? I would tell God frequently during these times "when You say the word 'go' I will, but until then, I will just stay." For the most part tho, this was something only in the back of my mind that I pulled out occasionally to ponder. I never really fathomed that it would happen or how it would happen, but that sense of possibly going generally guided the decisions I made and the things that I focused on. I had wanted to be a nurse since about gr 7; I knew I wanted to do something that would be involved with serving and helping people and practically showing God's great love, which led me into nursing. When I finally decided to go into nursing in the back of my mind was the idea this is something that can be useful on the mission field. And as much as I complain about various personalities that I meet and however unfaithful I am at being a gentle and compassionate nurse this is still the core reason I chose nursing. (just a note of caution for any who might be considering a career in nursing- its way harder than it looks! that was the first lesson I learned on the floor).
When I was starting my second year of nursing, the opportunity presented itself to go with classmates and professors to the Dominican Republic for an 8 day nursing trip up into the mountains of San Jose de Ocoa. A nursing friend and I decided that, even tho we were late applying, we were gonna try anyway. It was a weird experience that evening, after I submitted my application, I knew I was going on that trip. I knew God had planned it out already. This was my first big experience away from home and I survived!!! I actually even liked it... well loved it!
At the end of my last year of school I travelled out to Kalene Mission Hospital in Zambia. That was an amazing opportunity- I felt like I really connected with the people and there were so many opportunities to get to know them, especially the children. When I came home, there was a Zambia size hole in my heart.
During the first few months of nursing I developed an interest in wounds and in learning about management and prevention of wounds and in helping and supporting people struggling with these ulcerations (whether bed sore, diabetic, venous or arterial related, traumatic injuries and burns etc). I was quite keen on learning what I could about these wounds and was encouraged to pursue a career in Enterostomal Therapy (Wound Management). However, I struggled because I thought God may be wanting me to go as a missionary somewhere and I wanted to be open and ready if and when He called.
There was a day about 3 mos before my second trip to Zambia, this time to Chitokoloki Mission, where my struggle between going or staying became unavoidable (unfortunately, I was supposed to be working nights and didn't get much sleep during the day). I spent the afternoon between trying to rest for my night shift and asking God to 'just please show me the way He wanted me to go' but coming to no defiinite answer other than being frustrated that I wasn't able to sleep (I don't generally have that problem!). Finally, I had to leave both my bed and my contemplations and get ready to go to work. I can still remember so clearly, just as I was leaving to go out the door, picking up the choice gleanings calendar to read the meditation for the day and the words that stood out to me:
'stop looking within at your own insecureties and just go'
The story was of Moses and his many excuses not to do what God had told him to do, but in the end after patiently answering all His questions God finally commands him 'now therefore go'.
well... stay tuned for part 2. Hopefully I'll be diligent and post it soon! ;-)
But they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country... Hebrews 11:14
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