Now if my roommate were sitting next to me right now, she'd tell me 'there's no decision at all, you should just stay'. And that's true. But for me there is always a 'but'.
See, I just realized my brother is graduating this year. I know we've been talking about it, and mom has been planning what to do after he graduates, but it never hit me 'til earlier this week when I was on the phone with him and he was telling me: he's in grade 12 now. And he's going to graduate and walk across the stage and get a diploma and that Mommy and Dranna will be there and Jordan will have a babysitter. And Scena will come and maybe Aunt Chris and Uncle Gord. Then after it hit that I wasn't gonna be there, I said to him 'we'll see, but I can't promise'. His response 'no, try hard kay Scena, try hard'. Now how can I not go to my brother's graduation! Especially since he is so looking forward to it and there are few things from his big sisters' lives that he gets to share....
I mean it would just be putting my departure date off by 2-3 months. Instead of leaving the end of April, I'd leave the beginning of July. That's not so bad is it? ... its just .... well, being completely honest- its 'the fear of man' (Proberbs 29:25). Most people will likely understand, but there will be some and I'm afraid to hear their comments; my mind can go just wild with thinking about it. Its silly to think like this, I know that, but it doesn't stop those thoughts from slinking into my mind and try to build a nest of fluff and fear and people pleasing.
And then there are the Bible verses that swarm into my head changing this from a simple decision to a matter of faith- 'no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God' Luke 9:62 or 'if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever' 1 Timothy 5:8
Last night was Bible Study and we are going through the letter of Paul to the Colossians. Right now we are looking at the verses 15-23 in the first chapter all about the preeminence of Christ and His deity and His position as being the Head of the Church and the Maker of all Creation. One of the brothers had us turn to a verse in Hebrews and pointed out how Jesus could be the Head since He was also made like us, a man. What caught my eye though as we turned in our Bibles to look at the verses he referred to, was not just that Jesus has the authority to be Head of everything. On one side of my open Bible was the verse
'His Son... the brightness of His glory, the express image of His person' Hebrews 1:3
while on the other side
'He shared in flesh and blood ... that in every respect He might be made like His brothers, so that He could be a merciful and faithful High Priest.' Hebrews 2:14,17 (paraphase)
I thought that was incredibly awesome just to begin with; perfect God and perfect man in one beautiful combination. But what has thrilled me today is that Jesus, who is the exact image of God, is so eager to share and understand our troubles that He became one of us so that He could intercede or intervene or act as a mediator for us (Colossians 1:20-22; 1 Timothy 2:3-6). He knows. He understands. and best of all, He cares.
I don't know what my decision will be just yet, but I do know that as I seek for God's direction, not only will He be 'the voice behind me saying this is the way walk in it' (Isaiah 30:21), but He has asked me to tell Him about every care I have (1 Peter 5:7), and promised that He will be listening when I do (Psalm 4:3; 55:17) and pouring out His love and compassion on me (psalm 66:20; 94:19).
I love the Lord because He has heard my voice. Because He has inclined His ear unto me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live. Psalm 116:1
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