Language Lessons

Nidi nakweseki kudiza idimi dawalunda. Chakala mwani!

do you remember all those years of french lessons? Or maybe you didn't have any- I did... I was one of those crazy ones who took french all the way through high school in the hopes of maybe being able to actually learn another language

I remember learning colours and numbers- those were easy

Nouns and names - a little more difficult

Verbs and tenses- HORRENDOUS!

I can tell you three tenses in english- past, present and future. I may use the other ones, but I couldn't identify them- and now you want  me  to identify the tense and congugate the verb to answer in the correct tense and with the right pronoun and the right suffix for the verb based on the pronoun???
I loved my high school french classes, we had lots of fun and had to really cool teachers, but I didn't learn anything... nothing!

And now I'm starting out (or rather picking up again) another language adventure

I am trying to learn the language of the Lunda people. It is difficult.

If I knew how to say 'it is fun' I would also add that in.... but maybe it's better that I don't cuz this time next year I'll probably be tearing my hair out trying to understand this langauge and learn to communicate in it!

but just for interest's sake, I'll share a (quick!) rundown of how this sentence is formed

nidi naku - is basically the phrase 'I am' but this is often shortened to just 'naku'

the verb 'eseka' is the word 'try' ... can you find it in there? The Lunda language 'squishes' words together so that a verb can have multiple prefixes and suffixes and somewhere, not necessarily in the middle, is the root of the verb. In this case the root is 'esek' ... I'm still not sure exactly why the 'a' is dropped and 'i' is added...??? but it happens ;)

'u' before any vowel become 'w' so naku eseki squishes to become nakweski ... Have I lost you yet? It gets easier

'kudiza' is the verb 'to learn'

'idimi' is the noun 'tongue' or in this case 'language'

'dawalunda' very simply means 'of the Lunda'

'Cha' means 'it' ... but only in this case ... depending on the class of the noun...  oh wait, I haven't told you yet that there are 10 classes of nouns and not only is it important to know what class each noun falls into, there are concords (I still don't know what that means exactly) that are prefixed to the nouns that follow and these can change based on whether the noun is singular or plural and whether its a regular prefix, a subjective concord or an objective concord... sigh... now I have to know what mood I'm speaking in too... :S

'kala' means 'difficult' or 'hard to do'

and 'mwani'... that's just a nice word that you add to the end of everything... it's kinda please, thankyou, I'm sorry, hello, good bye and 'I want to be polite' all wrapped up into one.... I think this is my favourite Lunda word ;)

anyway, if you'll excuse me.. I think I'd better get back to my lessons now.. sentence order is the next thing on my list and then maybe I'll get into tenses


The heavens declare the glory of God and the earth shows His handiwork... There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Psalm 19:1,3

Remember...

Remember Me...

Do this in remembrance of Me...

Remember the days of old...

There's something deep inside us that seems to quiver at the thought of being forgotten, something inate across every culture, every country, every period in history, every relationship.

This past Sunday I had the privilege of attending the Breaking of Bread meeting at Highbury Gospel Hall in London, Ontario. It was so refreshing to be able to go to a umm... 'mature' meeting. To be surrounded by those 'old' men and women. You know those ones- the stooped shoulders, the greying hair, the wrinkles... It was different this time though. Something about this 'remembrance meeting' had taken on a new quality, a poignant, and meaningful quality. It seemed as though behind the words, I could sense a deep emotion...

The opening hymn "Amidst us our Beloved stands". Can you see that man rising to offer this hymn for the worshippers to sing, suit and tie, dimming eyes and greying hair, but his heart, oh his heart, so in tune with his Saviour, his Lord, 'our Beloved' he calls Him.

And then another "Remember Thee and all Thy pains/ And all Thy love to me" All Thy love to me...
His love to me...

Its funny, I never thought of this before. But thinking and planning for leaving has given me a new perspective on so many things that are just common place to me, things I've taken for granted as always being there. Yes, Jesus was and is God and the reasons for this meeting where we share bread and wine are manifold and deep. But He also was a man, a human. And I wonder if maybe there was some humanness in this request as well. He was gathered around the table with 11 of His closest friends, His words to them 'with desire I have desired to eat this passover with you before I suffer'. I wonder if maybe He wasn't so different in His heart than we are when we say 'keep in touch', 'email me', 'call me'. Can you see Him there at the table, pondering old memories, conversations, places visited, long chats, people, moments, thoughts, emotions, contemplating what would happen in the next few hours, with foreknowledge viewing human history from the cross till the final end, His people, the ones He died for, struggling, wanting to please Him, but failing, some terribly, the lies that would crop up, the questions and confusion and so He provides a way, a simple way, a memorial meeting with others who love Him also and He asks simply 'remember me'

I've shared with a few people in these last few days about my plans, and each time now that I say 'keep in touch' I can't help but see 'my Beloved' standing behind them asking 'remember Me'. I can't help but feel His heart beat, his strong desire 'remember Me'. There are so many reasons to remember him, but to remember Him because He is my friend and He loves me, well, it sorta takes some of the tradition out of this sacred meeting and brings it to a level that is special and unique. A trysting place of sorts instead of a religious gathering. A place I long to be rather than a place I have to be.

This experience of moving to a completely different country and leaving behind everything and everyone that I know and love, even if it is just for a year, is so daunting; memories of places, of long chats, of smiles and hugs, of burnt pots and burnt popcorn, of escapades and experiences like a kaleidoscope overflow my thoughts, but I'm finding this experience so rich and fraught with deeper meanings. 'My Beloved' has taught me so many things and changed my perspective, deepened it maybe, I wouldn't trade this experience for the world, this opportunity to learn of Him especially, and each time I ask a friend to write, to keep in touch I can't help but turn my heart to Him and whisper 'I will remember Thee'

Remember Thee and all Thy pains
And all Thy love to me
Yea while a breath a pulse remains
Would I remember Thee

How long has it been?

How long has it been since you talked with the Lord?
And told Him your heart's hidden secrets
How long since you prayed?
How long since you stayed
On your knees till the light shone through?

How long has it been since your mind felt at ease?
How long since your heart knew no burden?
Can you call Him your friend?
How long has it been
since you knew that He cared for you?

How long has it been? I am blessed to have had a mother who talked to us children about God, who had texts up on every wall to speak to herself and her little 'mission field', who prayed for our salvation and prays even now for us to follow Him closely. I always knew about God's great sacrifice and at a young age realized what it meant for me. I grew up praying and did not need much encouragement to read my Bible (I probably struggle with those more now than ever I did as a child). God has always been my reality.

I can call Him my friend, I know that He cares for me, that He loves me and that I love Him. I know that I love talking with Him, I am thrilled by the little surprises He sends my way a million times in a day. I know that walking with Him is the greatest adventure ever given to us.

so why is it that so often I hug my burdens to myself?
Why is it, when I know that He knows and that He cares, I wrap myself in my hurts and disappointments and sorrows and allow myself to wonder 'does God really care?'
Why is it that sometimes I can actually let the thoughts linger 'God is out to get me; God wants to take away everything good in my life; God doesn't want me to be happy.' ?
Why is it that I turn to other things instead of Him to ease the ache that can grow inside?
Why is it that I forget to ask, to pray, to share, to pour out my heart to Him?

He tells us 'come boldly before the throne of His grace'.

Sometimes I read this as a command and other times it seems to me to be a plea 'come my child, come the Love of my Heart, come to me and tell me everything, you don't have to be afraid, you don't have to worry, I already know, my grace has already covered it, come as you are, just come and talk to Me.'

And yet, I allow myself to think 'God is probably sick of hearing me; God knows this already; I'm sure He's tired of hearing from me on the same subject, the same fears, the same struggles, the same sins, the same hurts, the same confusion. Why bring it up again?' And so time slips away, moment by moment by day and I hug to myself my thoughts and burdens like some sort of security blanket.

But, ever so patiently, God places in my path, in my heart His word, His voice 'that's ok little daughter, it's been a long time, come tell me again and let me comfort you.' And He does.

Some times I almost miss it, some times its such a small thing that I almost think that can't be it, sometimes its so huge I can hardly believe it. One day it was a package in the mail that I never thought I'd see, another day it was a letter, or sometimes its a good visit with friends; those tend to be the big things, the things I talk about for weeks and sometimes months after.

But today, its a small thing, and its enough. I have my eyes back where they belong, my heart open once again to the healing love of my Saviour, and the courage to press forward when fear is screaming 'go back go back'. Today its a simple verse that came up on my fb wall of all places, but today God knew I needed this, today this is my reminder that I am God's and He has me in His hands. Today He told me 'be strong and have courage, don't be afraid and don't allow discouragement to overtake you. The Lord your God is with you wherever you go'

How long has it been since you knelt by your bed
And prayed to the Lord up in heaven?
How long since you knew that He’d answer you
And would keep you the long night through?

How long has it been since you woke with the dawn
And felt that the day’s worth the living?
Can you call Him your friend?
How long has it been
since you knew that He cared for you?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe_kllNKXE0 

Decisions, Dilemmas and Divine glory

Now if my roommate were sitting next to me right now, she'd tell me 'there's no decision at all, you should just stay'. And that's true. But for me there is always a 'but'.

See, I just realized my brother is graduating this year. I know we've been talking about it, and mom has been planning what to do after he graduates, but it never hit me 'til earlier this week when I was on the phone with him and he was telling me: he's in grade 12 now. And he's going to graduate and walk across the stage and get a diploma and that Mommy and Dranna will be there and Jordan will have a babysitter. And Scena will come and maybe Aunt Chris and Uncle Gord. Then after it hit that I wasn't gonna be there, I said to him 'we'll see, but I can't promise'. His response 'no, try hard kay Scena, try hard'. Now how can I not go to my brother's graduation! Especially since he is so looking forward to it and there are few things from his big sisters' lives that he gets to share....

I mean it would just be putting my departure date off by 2-3 months. Instead of leaving the end of April, I'd leave the beginning of July. That's not so bad is it? ... its just .... well, being completely honest- its 'the fear of man' (Proberbs 29:25). Most people will likely understand, but there will be some and I'm afraid to hear their comments; my mind can go just wild with thinking about it. Its silly to think like this, I know that, but it doesn't stop those thoughts from slinking into my mind and try to build a nest of fluff and fear and people pleasing.

And then there are the Bible verses that swarm into my head changing this from a simple decision to a matter of faith- 'no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God' Luke 9:62 or  'if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever' 1 Timothy 5:8

Last night was Bible Study and we are going through the letter of Paul to the Colossians. Right now we are looking at the verses 15-23 in the first chapter all about the preeminence of Christ and His deity and His position as being the Head of the Church and the Maker of all Creation. One of the brothers had us turn to a verse in Hebrews and pointed out how Jesus could be the Head since He was also made like us, a man. What caught my eye though as we turned in our Bibles to look at the verses he referred to, was not just that Jesus has the authority to be Head of everything. On one side of my open Bible was the verse

'His Son... the brightness of His glory, the express image of His person' Hebrews 1:3

while on the other side

'He shared in flesh and blood ... that in every respect He might be made like His brothers, so that He could be a merciful and faithful High Priest.' Hebrews 2:14,17 (paraphase)

I thought that was incredibly awesome just to begin with; perfect God and perfect man in one beautiful combination. But what has thrilled me today is that Jesus, who is the exact image of God, is so eager to share and understand our troubles that He became one of us so that He could intercede or intervene or act as a mediator for us (Colossians 1:20-22; 1 Timothy 2:3-6). He knows. He understands. and best of all, He cares.

I don't know what my decision will be just yet, but I do know that as I seek for God's direction, not only will He be 'the voice behind me saying this is the way walk in it' (Isaiah 30:21), but He has asked me to tell Him about every care I have (1 Peter 5:7), and promised that He will be listening when I do (Psalm 4:3; 55:17) and pouring out His love and compassion on me (psalm 66:20; 94:19).

I love the Lord because He has heard my voice. Because He has inclined His ear unto me, therefore I will call upon Him as long as I live. Psalm 116:1

Now Therefore Go: The Path, Part Two

I've been negligent I see, forgetting to put up another post here. But it was discussion forum this past week in my course and difficult to think about something other than the plethora of posts that flooded my inbox- but I won't complain: this was the LAST discussion forum EVER!!!! So excited! Went out for breakfast with two very special ladies just to celebrate it!

I was in the middle of a story in my last post, so I'll pick up from there. There's not much left tho of the story...

After I read that devotional from the calendar, my initial reaction was 'Lord, if You want me to go to Zambia I will go'. Typical of me however, a few days later I began to question and wonder 'did this really happen?' 'maybe I took it to mean the wrong thing?' 'maybe I was supposed to stay here instead, I mean, there is LOTS of work to be done here'. I had been presented at this time with the information for various wound care courses that I could take that would help with professional development, and although I was very interested, I wasn't able to get that incident out of my head. I felt like I had come to a fork in the road and I had to decide which path I was going to take. And I so wanted to make sure it was a path the would be honouring to God, that it was the path He had already chosen for me. (This is something I still want even tho this decision has been made for now, that's why I can only say I will be in Zambia for as long as God wants me to be, which right now is a year so far as I know). Anyway, I spent the next few months praying and looking forward to my second trip to Zambia, this time to Chitokoloki Mission to visit friends of mine for 5 weeks.

There are two things that really stand out in my mind, above many others. The first was walking to the hospital and nearly every day for the last three weeks having run through my thoughts the verse: He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds. The second, on the plane home pouring out my thoughts to God and coming across this verse that brought rest: the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. For me, I felt like God specifically was calling me to take these wound care courses I had been told about and then use the skills and knowledge from these courses as God's hands to reach out to a vulnerable population.

So, that's where I've been these last two years, working away module by module, course by course and now am just about finished these courses. I never expected to fall so much in love with this profession, but its like receiving an unexpected gift in the mail that is unbelievably precious: this passion for helping people as they struggle with the betrayal of their bodies and hopefully in some way pointing them to the Great Physician, the Great Healer, the Binder of Wounds, this One who I can say with thrill and awe 'This is my God'. I want not just at the end of my life when I finally get to see God, but at every moment of every day wherever I am for God to be able to say "I am not ashamed to be called her God". I am looking forward to this next adventure, travelling half way across the world to serve some of God's poorest children in material things, but so rich in life and personality.

Now they desire a better country, that is an heavenly, wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared for them a city. Hebrews 11:16

Now Therefore Go: The Path, Part One

well, this is a post I've been working on for a couple months. And its supposed to have been a sunday school lesson twice recently. But its really never made its way 'out' yet... so, we'll try again and see what happens. I figure it will be easiest to just base this post on my notes from that sunday school lesson. Its rather a meandering story and the lesson was geared toward children and tweens, and it will have to be done in 2 parts so its not too long, but I hope you enjoy it...

The story starts when I was 9 years old- this is the age I was when I first realized that the story of the Bible about God's love and mercy towards people who had sinned was meant for me. I mean, I had always known that, my parents made sure I knew that. But that's when I really realized what it meant! That's when I understood that 'it was for me that Jesus died'. The specifics of this story will have to wait for another post :)

When I was 13, I went to the first missionary report meeting that I can ever recall. For those of you who don't know what this is: basically, a missionary comes and gives a report on the work they are seeing done and are part of in whatever country they are serving in. I have no idea the names of this couple, but they had been working in Romania and they talked about the orphanages there and all the little children who were so desperate to be loved and so eager to hear about Jesus and His love for them. Something about this touched me deeply and I asked God then if He would to send me to go love the little children and tell them about His love.

As a teen, I struggled from time to time with the events of that evening and with questions in general:
is God calling me to go? Would He? Why me? What if I'm wrong? Where would I go? What would I do? Would people be supportive, or would they oppose this? I would tell God frequently during these times "when You say the word 'go' I will, but until then, I will just stay." For the most part tho, this was something only in the back of my mind that I pulled out occasionally to ponder. I never really fathomed that it would happen or how it would happen, but that sense of possibly going generally guided the decisions I made and the things that I focused on. I had wanted to be a nurse since about gr 7; I knew I wanted to do something that would be involved with serving and helping people and practically showing God's great love, which led me into nursing. When I finally decided to go into nursing in the back of my mind was the idea this is something that can be useful on the mission field.  And as much as I complain about various personalities that I meet and however unfaithful I am at being a gentle and compassionate nurse this is still the core reason I chose nursing. (just a note of caution for any who might be considering a career in nursing- its way harder than it looks! that was the first lesson I learned on the floor).

When I was starting my second year of nursing, the opportunity presented itself to go with classmates and professors to the Dominican Republic for an 8 day nursing trip up into the mountains of San Jose de Ocoa. A nursing friend and I decided that, even tho we were late applying, we were gonna try anyway. It was a weird experience that evening, after I submitted my application, I knew I was going on that trip. I knew God had planned it out already. This was my first big experience away from home and I survived!!! I actually even liked it... well loved it!

 At the end of my last year of school I travelled out to Kalene Mission Hospital in Zambia. That was an amazing opportunity- I felt like I really connected with the people and there were so many opportunities to get to know them, especially the children. When I came home, there was a Zambia size hole in my heart.

During the first few months of nursing I developed an interest in wounds and in learning about management and prevention of wounds and in helping and supporting people struggling with these ulcerations (whether bed sore, diabetic, venous or arterial related, traumatic injuries and burns etc). I was quite keen on learning what I could about these wounds and was encouraged to pursue a career in Enterostomal Therapy (Wound Management). However, I struggled because I thought God may be wanting me to go as a missionary somewhere and I wanted to be open and ready if and when He called.

There was a day about 3 mos before my second trip to Zambia, this time to Chitokoloki Mission, where my struggle between going or staying became unavoidable (unfortunately, I was supposed to be working nights and didn't get much sleep during the day). I spent the afternoon between trying to rest for my night shift and asking God to 'just please show me the way He wanted me to go' but coming to no defiinite answer other than being frustrated that I wasn't able to sleep (I don't generally have that problem!). Finally, I had to leave both my bed and my contemplations and get ready to go to work. I can still remember so clearly, just as I was leaving to go out the door, picking up the choice gleanings calendar to read the meditation for the day and the words that stood out to me:

'stop looking within at your own insecureties and just go'

The story was of Moses and his many excuses not to do what God had told him to do, but in the end after patiently answering all His questions God finally commands him 'now therefore go'.

well... stay tuned for part 2. Hopefully I'll be diligent and post it soon! ;-)



But they that say such things declare plainly that they seek a country... Hebrews 11:14

The Cat has been let out

Well, the cat has been let out of the bag! And let me assure you- it sure was hard keeping my mouth shut for 2 years about this! But yes folks, that's right, come next spring this girl is moving to Zambia.

The first move will only be for one year. Give me a chance to really see what its like living in Zambia, and give the missionaries at Chitokoloki a chance to get to know me better and work with me. At the end of that year I will be coming back home, discussing my experiences with my elders here and sharing any further confirmation from the Lord about where I am supposed to be. It could be still at Chit, it could be an different mission station in Zambia, it could be a different country in Africa, it could be that I decide God is actually calling me to stay home. (I won't lie- that would be really cool, to be close to my family and help with my brother and nephew... but I wouldn't miss the adventure God is calling me to join Him in)

So why am I going?  I'm sure some of you are asking this...

well, no snow for one... but huge bugs to compensate for that (hopefully not a lack of Raid!)
A cool adventure maybe... but one that takes me far from family and friends and a good internet connection
a different way of doing things and new experiences possibly... but I sure will miss pizza delivery, and a 10 min walk to Walmart (the mother of all stores!)

but seriously... its none of those reasons and for every reason I could come up with to go, there is a better reason to stay (and yes minimal contact with bugs and a large supply of raid is a good reason to stay home!)

no, I'm going because this is where I believe God has asked me to go and these are the people God has asked me to serve. Over the last two years I've spent a lot of time just praying and seeking God's will and in the process learning more and greater things about my Father. And this, this is the one reason I could find that is worth going because God my Father asked me to go.

I have thought a lot about the job opportunities I could seek as an Enterostomal Therapist and how much I love that role, but as hard as it is to leave that, its so much more thrilling to know that right now I am where God wants me to be. And for me, that's enough. This doesn't mean that at the end of this year or 5 years from now or 20 years from now I may understand that God has called me somewhere else (also on my heart is North Africa and all the struggles with famine and uprisings there), it just means that at this point in time this is where God has called me to be and what He has asked me to do.

I have to add tho... I sure am glad this is 'out' now. It's so hard keeping one's mouth shut and for TWO YEARS!

As an eagle stirs up her nest... so the LORD alone did lead. Deuteronomy 32:11,12